Klutz with a K

I have spacial relationship issues. As in, if there is a doorjam, or a counter, I run into it, or smash my finger, or bash my shin. Now I'm not saying I'm Mr. Magoo - I don't have a moustache (yet.), but I am a klutz. I sometimes wonder if my life were a movie, if they would have to call in a stunt double for the star, or if the injuries are light enough that a pro could pull it off. However not all of the "accidents" are my fault. Because really Costco? Putting a cement slab right in front of the frozen pizzas? Why would you keep me that extra 6 inches away from my 2# of mozzarella cheese (for $3.49 btw)? Consider yourself on notice Costco. You and all the other inconvenient things put in my way...like doors and windows, and those pesky floors I sometimes trip on.

"Whatever harm [the Baby Einstein] video might do [to your kid] is nothing compared to the harm of inheriting your hillbilly genes..."

It's Time to Put My Big Girl Panties On

Why? Other than looking awesome like Grandma Moses, we are taking this show on the road. Jetty and I are heading to the Seattle Wholesale Gift Show at the end of August. We have a fellow rockin Alaska jewelry designer along with us and we will be wowing Seattle and Portland with 2 trunk shows and our debut wholesaling to the greater Northwest. Pretty intense actually. Loads of paperwork to submit. Displays to flame proof (yeah, I said it. Flame proof.). And inventory to have ready. This is exactly what we've been waiting for, but that doesn't make it any less stressful. The schedule for the next few months: Tanana State Fair Aug 7-15, Seattle Aug 19-26, Fairbanks First Friday Sept 4 - 5, Fairbanks Holiday Show Nov 13 - 15...and then there's Christmas....And then we take a vacation.

Run Chubbs, Run!

I bought a $100 pair of shoes a few weeks ago and didn't even care what they looked like. And maybe I should have - because they are a bit orthepedic and stark white. But! They help with the running. Yup. We've been running an average of 3 times a week and I've slowly managed to triple my starting distance before my lungs implode and/or my legs fall off. And the distance I a up to? ALmost 3/4 of a mile at a time. I know, I know. Totally marathon bound by the fall, but I'm out there and doing it. Pretty proud. And pretty sure I will rock a 5k by the end of summer. Who knew eh?

Profound Thoughts

I haven't been posting as often as I would like as I feel like all I have to say are whiney things. Bitch about this. Crab about that. And talk about how rude people are getting. But it's true. Go to the super market and count how any times someone stops right in front of you, or forces you to move out of their way while they take up 3/4 of an aisle. People are so *not* self aware. The universe does not revolve around you, please keep that in mind and stop being a jackass.

Now, I realize that I have becomesfiercely (bordering on offensively) opinionated in my old age, but has no one ever told these people that it is not appropriate? Because what ever happened to customer service? Being a decent human being? Helping others? And in general not being a dick? I just don't understand.....

the 3/50 Project

I couldn't have said it better myself. Spread the word.

Mira gets mobile

Our newest munchkin Mira has been a challenge from the beginning...as my 5th ferret, I think I know what I'm doing...but she is proving me wrong or has a chip loose somewhere....and it definitely didn't help when she bit G in the face her first month here. We have taken all of the levels out of the cage so she doesn't benchpress them....and have put little fuzzy balls in to keep her occupied when not out. And last night we aquired a large hamster ball. The kind meant for ferts. And omg, it's a hoot! She doesn't know how to walk in it so just rolls around like a drunk woodchuck. Already Houdini'ed herself out once....but we're hopeful she'll get the hang of it so she can be out more often.

Jetty will be over momentarily to do some distance reiki which seems to help.....But in the meantime she is sucking on Sausage's ear.

Earthquakes make my tummy hurt.

So not only are we constantly following the activity of this volcano that keeps steaming and puking, but now we've got earthquakes that we can feel. Ugh! As it is Alaska has quite a few earthquakes a day - run over to the AEIC to see how many we get in a 48 hour period. We just had a 4.7 that shook a bit around. It's those first few nanoseconds where you wonder if this is 'the big one' and whether or not you need to run screaming from the building. I also wonder when strangers are around me whether or not I would want to be stuck in the rubble with them. And this isn't just when we are shaking, but in elevators, at restaurants, etc. Would I want to cling to this person for life or would they bug the shit out of me?

That's probably pretty terrible to say right?

I *will* conquer the bread....

I'm not sure that I could ever live without bread. And by that I mean, fresh baked french bread or something similar. I honestly cannot be held reponsible if you stand between me and a still warm baguette....It could get ugly. But since we're trying to live a little more "off the grid" and be more self sufficient, I'm trying to master making my own bread. Wheat bread. But after many attempts of nastiness and a failed batch from a fellow bread maker that came out like mud, I think I have it figured out. Easiest recipe ever and fluffy, half wheat half white bread. Can you hear the angels singing?

1 1/2 tbs dry active yeast (is it really advisable to use the non active stuff?)
1 1/2 tbs kosher salt
3 cups lukewarm water
3 1/2 cups wheat pastry flour
3 cups white flour

Mix it all up and let it sit on your counter for about 2 hours. Punch the dough down again with a little kneading, and let rise again for another 2 or so hours. Punch down and knead and place in bread pan or whatever you would like to bake it all up in, and let rise again to desired height (another 2 or so hours). At this point those little yeasties have worked purty hard and should make a lovely bread. Bake @ 350 for about 45 minutes.

*drool*

Earthquakes, Bears, Volcanoes, Oh my...

Mt Redoubt has been rumbling for a few months now but has finally started to blow it's load. Flights are cancelled, mail isn't moving, and we finally got ashfall today. Driving around in our beater car (277,500 miles) and realizing 'huh, this isn't fog is it...?' Now we are safe at home and all the new electronic toys are covered just in case and a small pyrex dish sits in the driveway to catch the ash. Hooray! Aren't these pictures of the eruption crazy?? Lightning! Wow! I really had no idea we had the possibility for so many natural disasters when I moved here. Seriously. Tsunami, Earthquakes, erupting volcanoes, wild animals....Who knew? For realz.

If I venture out and wear my sexy mask I will be sure to be the envy of all who see me....

Back from the 'Banks

Jetty Mae and I took the ever so loverly road trip up to Fairbanks (approx 6 hours) for the Women's Show. *le sigh* Those be my peeps. Always good to see the folks who remember us from year to year and tell us how they are collecting our jewelry. It makes my heart go pitter patter...sort of like prom night. But without the ripped dress. Anyhoodle! Our first night in the hotel was spent with a hockey team (see? I knew you were wondering where I was going with the ripped prom dress thing)...in the room directly above us. I think they were practicing their skating on the floor or perhaps checking each other into the wall.....But Goddess bless the front desk clerks and the manager for changing our room the next night and refunding our monies. Yay!

Today has been spent tying up loose ends and crunching numbers and making multiple trips to the bank. I know. It would be so much easier if I did all my maths first, but I like to keep stashing little bits of cash away at a time. Ha! Soon I will be toddling down to the bookstore to sell them some old books, and if I can't control myself (which is totally probable) I will come home with some more. Sshhh...Don't tell G.

O.M.G. Too much of the cute

Can we just talk about how freakin cute this bird is for a sec? As in, fit in the palm of your hand? Or ride around in your pocket to stare up at you with those big eyes to say "Yes I know you want to go to Hogwarts....You're purty." See?! Cutest thing ever.

This little guy is a Saw-Whet Owl. And I have to have one. So I can then start wearing cowboy shirts with breast pockets and let him live there.

And I would name him Peter. Or Mable. Yes....Mable.....

Missing Booger....

We got Booger 3 weeks after I moved to Alaska and she was the bestest little furbaby ever. Would ride around on your shoulder, come when called, and give you sniffy kisses all day long. She was the smallest of our ferrets, but had the biggest heart.

Unfortunately after I got back to AK from my whirlwind East Coast trip she didn't quite seem the same....so all the kids went in for their yearly exam and we found a heart murmur....so we di x-rays and found that she only had 15% or so lung function as it seemed she was drowning in fluid. We scheduled in a procedure to remove to the fluid for Halloween, but the day before we a rough one so I took her in early. It turns out that it wasn't fluid, but a large tumor which had taken up her entire chest. So I made the terrible decision to let her go.....

She visits me in my dreams and dooks around just out of my vision. I miss that little monkey. I love all the others of course, but my Booger was my baby.....and sometimes it just hurts....

Branching Out

I've been with Etsy for over 3 years now....maybe 4? How long has it been around? Ha! And now I've sauntered over to open another shop on Artfire.com. I'm quite impressed with the range of advertising options they give you and have ready at your fingertips. So the goal is to now not only keep Etsy updated, but Artfire as well...And B....Ha! Stay tuned for my ever eveolving reviews of the site....muhahaha...lol

Big dreams and procrastination are my middle name...

We have our biggest show of the year coming up next weekend...in Fairbanks (oh the irony is not missed on me I promise you).....and we're slowly getting our acts together to get some inventory stocked. Each year I come up with some sort of system to make searching for certain items easier and thinking I've rocked the world. This year the system is plastic bags and sections. Yep. I should market the idea. Little plastic bags to hold things? Whoa. Hold on now....

I also applied for Bust's Spring Fling Craftacular in Brooklyn. Ha! If I actually make it in I will be beyond myself with 'holy shit.' A new system will have to be thought of. Much more inventory stocked. And a garden dress. I will need a new garden dress and some white gloves. kthnxbai.

Unapologetic Hipster

I have been having a very unhealthy relationship with "Panic From the Disco" as of late. And if you haven't heard them you should. It makes me tap my toes and grin like I've been pumped full of Stummies in Brain Candy. Back in the day when I was slinging coffee and portraying the tragically cool coffee girl with the arm tattoo as best I could, we circulated "The Hipsters Handbook." And of course, I was the stereotype barista to a t: short black hair, tight old band tees, arm tattoo and long apron. I would even threaten to give you decaf if you didn't tip well enough or were rude to me......I wonder what I am now? I would still absolutely give decaf if I could, but you couldn't pay me enough to warm up muffins and pour "a grande house on wheels with room" at 6am anymore....Now I need to get my hands on the book. Do they have a section about snobby boutique owners? Girls who try to make their own bread and use moonpads instead of storebought stuff? I guess I'm still probably the same...sans apron but with more tattoos.

Blueberry-Banana muffin-gasm

Since G has gotten here I have been introduced to the land of Costco. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it yet, but the little ladies in hairnets with samples of funky food are slowly forming my opinion of the place - for the better. We had 3 funky looking bananas left last night so I whipped up a batch of muffins and threw in the last of the blueberries too. OMG. Delish.

1 3/4 cups flour (I use wheat, but whatevs)
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
3/4 cup apple sauce
1 egg
1/4 cup honey
3 whole mashed 'nanas
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups blueberries.

Stir and drop into your muffin pans. This recipe makes enough for a pan of the full size and a pan of the minis (because 8 minis are equivalent to a regular one right? Don't judge me). 350* for approx 15 minutes. What does that all spell? Love and deliciousness.

*le sigh* Now pass the muffins before someone gets hurt.

Psychics and Mediums and Palm Readers Oh My....

Metapalooza was yesterday and Jetty Mae and I were there toting our wares as The Sisters Sage (the first collaborative jewelry line we've done so far with an emphasis on the healing properties of stones, etc). And while in Rome......well, of course I had to have a few readings. Our favorite card reader, The Fairy Guide Mother was there, and a few familiar faces...but then! In the corner! Was not only Minerva's doppleganger, but she also read palms! Hot damn! I've never had my palm read before and she was f'en amazing.

Quick recap: I have digestive issues (uh huh), and can be very stubborn. I would die planting my flag for a cause I felt strongly about.....and I have quite a few stars on my hands. Stars mean magic *squeal* I am just realizing my 'spiritual' path and will eventually be a teacher on that path. I have had 3 pregnancies, only one of which I knew about (a miscarriage not so long ago)....and will have 2 children. And I am decendent from royalty.

So of course I had to check this all out with my favorite medium, and that was equally as world rockingly awesome! In short: I am not decendant from royalty, I was royalty. Most likely Atlantean which is why I am so drawn to the Mystery School - Merlin was the last of the Atlanteans. She also said (without any prompting or knowing about my palm) that I just started on a new path and I would eventually be a teacher. Hot damn! And while making a long tube with her hands, asked if I had unusual pets. Yup. And did they poop a lot? Yup. That I am like them in that I have no use for things or people that do nothing for me and thus poop them out. Ha! Not that I'm a user, but I'm not the person to make small talk and go out to eat if we have nothing in common and we aren't going to be bffs. Ha!

The new jewelry did well. My readings f'en rocked. And I can once again focus on getting the jewelry buttoned up as my 3 months in the bead store are finally over. Hot damn! It's all too exciting!!! And I'm sure I'm officially queen of the dorks but I don't care. Because remember - I was a queen.

Subway has life saving abilities

I woke up this morning with a nice splitting headache....You know the kind right behind your eyes which makes you squint and lower your head? Yeah. Those 3 crazy beers I had last night are having their revenge on my apparently 'too old to party' body and I hurt. Took G to work and then went home to take a nap, hoping it would make the headache go away. Not really. In my sleepy stupor I forgot the set the alarm properly. But thankfully the dog was there to wake me up. Yay Cedar!

So now I'm full of a foot long ham and american cheese on wheat bread and gobs of lettuce sub....and starting to feel a bit human again. Though I might need some sort of pokey device to put my eyeballs back in if they do indeed fall out. It's totally a possibility.

EDIT: Yeah, I totally yarked that sub up 2 hours later.

I have internets!

At my house! It's true! And I am far more excited than perhaps I should be.

I don't know why it bothers me....but it does.

So we all know that the economy is taking a big dump in a very public toilet, right? And we all are very conscious of where we spend our hard earned cash, and on what. With that said, many a person come into B and outwardly ask "So, how are you doing with the economy? Are you finding it hard to pay rent? Has business slowed down? Are you going to make it through the year?" Now, I don't know about you, but unless we are certifiable bffs or one of the 2 investors in the shop, I find that rather rude. I wouldn't go to them in their home and ask if they think they will be able to keep it. Or if they will be able to feed their kids this year. Or if their boss put them on a pay freeze if they could still afford that really big truck that serves no purpose other than to slowly prison rape the environment.

Maybe I'm overreacting. But I don't think that's acceptable. What would they say if I said things had slowed down and we need their money more than a blood transfusion? Would they buy something that they weren't going to buy anyway? Probably not. So it doesn't matter.

For the record things are fine. It's Alaska in the winter, and we have just recently crossed into the more than 6 hours of daylight category. So no wonder people aren't shoving money in anyone's face right now - they are too busy being glued to their SAD lights and just trying to make it through a gloomy, cold winter. Who could blame them?

So help me out here. Do you think it's ok to ask strangers about their business? B is my baby. Though most certainly not in the literal sense, I have put just as much blood, sweat, tears and hard earned cash into her as any parent with one or 20 children. I'm very protective of people who nay say her, or feel that can comment on that which they don't know......so pat me on the shoulder or tell me to pull my head out of my ass. Either way, what do you think?

A little game we like to call: Shopping With the Pauper

I have put myself on a strict spending freeze in order to pay off those goddamn credit cards and start saving and spending in the correct way. I.E. - buying things I want to instead of drywall, groceries and my mortgage.

This is the cutest gd teapot ever. It would go so well in my kitchen that is slowly being taken over by teapots. The first one? A $100 Kathy Ireland original. Don't you dare judge me. I don't necessarily drink tea. But I love me some teapots. The red polka dot from Homer is a fun one, as well as the functional squat oriental style. And this Robin's Egg Blue one? Shut up!

I would so love to stimulate the economy and put these in my kitchen. But my economy needs some stimulating first. Humph.

The Coolest F Word Ever Deserves a F*n Shout

I have started a 3 year course through the Avalon Mystery School. Which means that in 3 years, after my course of study, I may be asked to be a Priestess of Avalon. I happen to think this is not only the cats pajamas but also the cow's underwear. Part of my studies include reading about the original goddess religions, and shock and awe, how God was not originially the big Puba we are inundated with now. When God Was a Woman by Merlin Stone not only rocked my world but reinvigorated my already fist waving feminist self to continue to spread the word. It all clicked and makes so much sense! Before 2 + 2 were put together and sex was known to result in children, the woman would just produce a child. Viola! And the beginning of being awed by her power and ability began. With that said, the sticker at the right just makes me shake my head and wonder how it all went so wrong.

Well wait. It all went downhill when someone got jealous and needed to change the roles. Now, I'm not asking that we go back to the way things were 6,000 years ago, I'm just asking that everyone take a step back and realize that women have not always been seen as a fragile, stupid breed. By removing the Goddess and all she stood for from the public light, and in turn actually condemning those who continued to follow her ways, women were stepped on. This marked the beginning of the end. Adam and Eve? Eve ate an apple from the serpent. The serpent is a representation of the Goddess. Thus, the ways of the Goddess are wrong, and look, we wrote it in this handy little book full of stories for you to refer to later and we will then use it as a justification.

I have this sticker on my refrigerator. This morning Galen asked me what I planned to do about all of it. I just want people, men and women both, to take a step back and realize that the structure of this society is dictated by a bunch of old men 4,000 years ago. Someone got in a bee in their bonnet and had to fuck us all over. Again, men and women alike. So seriously, take up the cause. Educate yourself. And remember that there is a strength in all of us older than that "good book" which we can draw from to fullfill our potential.

Support Handcrafted. Support Local.

We've all been inudated with the news and overall economic worries. We're all feeing this "recession" and wondering if collectively we will make it out intact. For the little guy it's even more of a worry. I had an awesome conversation today with a customer in the shop about supporting local and supporting handmade, especially in these hard times. She has decided to forego ordering from catalogs and skipping the big box stores in favor of giving her business to the locally grown and crafted outlets. These are your neighbors that you are supporting. This is their livelihood.

There are so many ways that you can make your dollar go further and help those around you. Whether you shop for handmade in your own town or check out websites like 1000markets.com or etsy.com, give the little guy a leg up. Need something that isn't handmade? Yarn? Comic Books? Books in general? Give your local mom and pop a look and leave Wal Mart to the other guy. When splurging on dinner check out the local flavor and forego the chains.

By supporting each other we'll all come out on the other side all the better for it.

Viva Handmade!

Back on the Horse Again

So it seems I have jumped back into the world of 'blogging.' Which of course means whining to the general public via a safe hidey hole, most likley in the back of the closet. And what prompted this return to hours of time spent on the internets? A bad day of all things. As much as I am trying to not be a grouch, the people that I have interacted with thus far, just aren't making it very easy for me. So I will take my revenge and spew my sarcasm on the world once again.